Thoughts that I’ve had since having the baby:
1. Life is fragile [and beautiful] and I’m thankful that God sustains us.
Something about my son being so tiny and fragile has made me realize how tiny and fragile that all of life is. I have the audacity of thinking that it is me who supplies breath in my lungs. As I watch my sweet baby’s breath rise and fall, I’m even more thankful God sustains us daily.
2. This is better and harder than I ever thought it would be. This is one of the scariest and most beautiful things that I have ever done. It is better and more rewarding than I imagined. I feel so rich, so full to overflowing with love for my sweet son, but it is harder and requires more strength and sacrifice than I had thought. Needless to say, I’m thankful for a supportive husband and great friends and family.
3. Emotions are no joke.
I had no idea how emotional the whole parenting experience (I know I’m only two weeks in) would be. The deafening crescendos of joy and the sharp dissonance of anxiety and worry have enlivened and startled me. Again, I’m thankful for a wonderful husband and a God who is in control and comforts me. One of the most comforting parts of the passage below, is the verse “The Lord is at hand.” Our God is not far off. He is not distant and apathetic to our needs. Instead, he is close and ever attentive.
“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4: 4-7
4. Motherhood is good but not always giddy work.
Rachel Jankovic in in her book “Loving the Little Years” encourages me in the following way. I’m not qualified enough of a mother [She has 5 kids under the age of six, so I think that she is] to say it with such finality, so I will directly quote her wise words:
“Everyone to whom God has given wealth, and possessions, and the power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil–this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart. –Eccl. 5:19
Blessings, like children, are not ethereal and weightless. Sometimes they feel like they come at you like a Kansas hail storm–they might leave a welt! But if you accept your lot and rejoice in your toil, God will give you the kind of overwhelming joy that cannot remember the details. Motherhood is hard work. It is repetitive and often times menial. Accept it. Rejoice in it. This is your toil. Right here. Those are their faces. Enjoy them. The days of your life are supposed to be full of things like this. But joy is not giddy. It is not an emotional rush–it is what happens when you accept your lot and rejoice in your toil. So rejoice in your children. Look them in the eyes and give thanks. You will not even remember the work of all this planting when the harvest of joy overwhelms you.” (102, “Loving the Little Years)
5. Laughter really is some of the best medicine.
Ash is such a cutie. I still think he is cute even though he has peed and pooped on me several times. (We definitely underestimated the value of a peepee teepee). I can’t take myself seriously, because most of the time I have no idea what I’m doing. I put on my clothes backwards. I’ve put on his diaper backwards. I’ve laid an imaginary baby back in his bassinet only to find the real one lying there because I was sleep walking! Doug and I have laughed over our weird sleep deprived dreams together [one of them may or may not have involved my grandpa having a pet cockroach that went rogue and started attacking family members. Gregor Samsa..anyone?].