I hate days when my feelings are completely out of line with what is actually true and I have to constantly fight to keep them in line. Sometimes I win the battle. Sometimes I spiral into fear or despair.
I’ve struggled with this all my life. I wake up, look in the mirror and think,
“I’m ugly, I’m frumpy, I’m ridiculous, I’m worthless, I’m ________ (fill in insecurity).”
For years I would look back in the mirror and say the opposite, but it never really stuck. That’s what the world would tell me to do, right. “Just believe in yourself,” people say. “Look for the beauty inside,” they would say. Saying, “I’m beautiful” or “I’m worth it” doesn’t supplant the lie. I know the truth about myself. Sometimes I really am ugly in my heart. Sometimes my selfishness is ridiculous.
The truth is without Christ my heart is selfish and ugly, but he takes broken, frail things like me and makes me new. I hide behind his righteousness.
“Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17 (Thank God)
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:a The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5: 17-19 (True Hope)
These truths are a great comfort for me. Sometimes, though, I just get so tired of fighting the lies.
I think that is why God has said this:
“See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” Hebrews 3:12-13
I’m thankful for those in my life who encourage me daily about the truth, especially when my heart is too scared or my courage is too weak to believe it for myself.